Did you know there is a world
Where the mind and Heart dance in time
On cascading dew drops
A mirror of all our life lines.
Author: Dilara Pataudi
Dilara Pataudi is an Equine CranioSacral Therapist and author living in the UK with her herd of horses. Dilara has dedicated her life to cultivating a deeper connection with her herd, herself and her work. She is passionate about assisting the awakening of humanity, particularly within the Equine industry as we know it today. Dilara promotes the spiritual nature of horses and believes in unity, freedom, and choice above all else.
The Poetry Book
I found your words then
They drifted past me on the wind
As I sat and I listened
A rustle of falling leaves kissed the sweet dew
You returning home
Such Softness lay there
Designed to be awake
To be here
I never knew your light prior to this
Saw it only when the tides shifted
Gulls crying their song of season’s change
I hear YOUR song then
Rumbling in me, stirring.
Yawning fully open with a cracked, all seeing eye.
Head YOUR symphony of Self.
Beckoning me to meet you
In the centre where we both began
It was that beautiful song
Ringing true in the dawn
Sweat beading in the wake of it. Our self so similar
As ice waters melt between where we used to stand and stare
A glistening of hope emerging at the water’s edge
Two heart’s distance shall it take
For us to come together this and in time
I love who I see
Who I carry within me
Who we are now, who we are NOW.
Two free wings carrying the Soul of Eternal Spirit between us
For you shall always be here
When I look for you now
In the flurry of each breathe
Each beat, soft hair rising to the truth of how we chose each other
Learning to see more clearly how the pattern’s flow into form
A caress of breathe between time’s
Flurry, and you are there by my side again
Together as One.
Shared breathe
Today there was an ache inside me where I found you.
Thinking. you were so thoughtful in that space. Whirling around in your merry comfort realm.
You knew I was watching, observing the fraction of who you were. You knew I would edge nearer, closer to who we were becoming together.
The way your eyes cast out light, that flicker of a look.
A cluster of inhales.
Gently, so gently I edged forward into the chasm of what was possible.
Stepping with toe lightness onto the Earth, feeling it’s pulse run through my veins. I lead you, you lead me, we crossed over into each other.
Together, that shared breathe was suddenly all we knew.
Finding Self
I have always had a fascination with the Unseen aspects of life. Always wanting to dig deeper, to find a tunnel through what is into the meaning of things. The mystery of the world we see, the world within.
Obscuring this need to discover more, at some point I shut off from all things ‘Magic’, from the etheric beauty of what we call form. The horses are helping me re-discover this, everyday a little bit deeper into the Unknown. A little bit further beyond the boundaries of what I perceive to be a ‘safety’ arena. Leading me to question everything. Eventually a tumbling of totality will occur, guiding me down into the chasm of the present moment. Through thought and into the un-thought world. There is a stream which we all come from, it is as much a fact as the molecular structure of the air we breathe throughout the day, we all come from the same stream of energy. The horses ignite this remembrance easily, as though a simple glance tells all things.
Animal Communication is a way of tapping into this stream of consciousness, in my opinion it is a currency of truth. Horses demand ultimate authenticity and are therefore masters of adept personality refinement. No one can stand near a horse without feeling a sense of unfolding. The people who are courageous enough to look themselves in eye, in the heart, in the soul, are the ones who will dive deeper into the mystery these incredible beings hold.
Our Horses also hold an ancestral link to the companions we have made space for in our lives. They are all here for a reason, they are here to be heard, to listen to you, to call your authentic self forward so that a space of mystical reverence can be experienced again and again. It is not a trap, a misguided representation or a control method, our horses simply need us to dig deep and take responsibility for how we are feeling, for who we are being and how we can express what we have inside us! What I am learning more and more everyday is that for this Unseen world to be traversed I need to dig deep into the space between worlds inside me. The horses’ message this morning was – Find that ‘Self’ inside you which is also inside us – Find this Self.
What is coming forward at this time is a new type of surrender. A deep archetypal transference which transcends concept and instead reigns through Oneness. Ultimatum and beyond. The horses have me, their presence is a beacon as I gently un-peel layers of conditioning, layers of beliefs, layers of habitual reasoning. Sometimes we have to go to a whole new place to recognize where we were, stand in a whole new energy, a whole new way, a whole new sense of Self.
Is there a slip between what we dream and what we know to be true in our ‘awakened’ state? I think so. This realm, this world, what if someone told you you were dreaming and meant it? What if we touched a fabric of real time and felt it fall away between our fingers, between our thoughts. What if the construct of the world we see could just as easily morph into a whole new tapestry? Our thoughts are powerful, especially when we step up as the bearer of their direction and will. A whole new world can be created through the power of thought-stream-consciousness. Perhaps what you touch today is not real unless you make it so. What would you tap into now? A whole new way of being, or a deeper sense of knowing what truly living in your power feels like?
Be with me
As I sat with the horses this morning, their messages swept over me, helping me bask in their expansive energy. Horses are able to dive so quickly and easily into the space between worlds. Their sense of reality always a guage for us to steer into and observe, experientially upholding a validation for their ability to roam the dimensions with ease.
This morning my intention was to go deep into that meditative space with them. The first thing I noticed however was the intense pounding of my mind! Stopping for a moment had helped me see where all my focus has been. Thoughts were whirling around my head, an unstoppable fire caught in the wind, spreading in an erratic, unpredictable way, thoughts about updating my website, about which posts should go where in relation to how relevant each piece of writing is for the reader. Thoughts about my blog…Yes, all this was still whirling around in my head. I have read that there is a high number of people who had never experienced anxiety until they joined social media. I can very easily see how that could be true. It felt like too much, an overwhelming force of overactivity inside me. I have had this tendency, to be too ‘in my head’. It feels like friction through body when this happens, an uninhabited land. As I sat I did my best to breathe back into my body, to calm my mind and focus, focus on expanding my awareness to include that of the horses. To feel them.
Latina came over then, she stood with me and instantly the message came through:
“The ‘Horse frequency’ is the ‘Heart frequency.’” She helped me drop into my heart centre and stay there, not just there though, everywhere, expanding outward. Her message was clear, ‘BE with me’. That was all, no fluffy details about why, for what reason, or how…. The message was so clear that in its clarity the sense it made was perfect. Just ‘Be with me’. Be with me. My intention had been to go into space with them, but how could I do that in the way I wanted to if I was not showing up for / with them. I watch how they are all so present with each other, engaging exactly when the other needs it, moving in a synchronistic melody, the way they innately interact is a dance which at times rages and at times breathes life from stillness.
Horses ARE the present moment, I have never experienced such a transition from a state of mental flurry to heart calming expanse, never so quickly or as gently as with the horses. Their ability to bring us from one state into another is, in my book, as powerful as any other guide on Earth.
So the sitting and learning to ‘BE’ continued… Toby came forward to bathe in the energy Latina and I were sharing he also had a message, expanding upon what we were already feeling into he offered his wise perspective as always. He said that it is about me Being with them on all levels, not solely from my heart, but on ALL levels. Showing up from where I was from and entering into all things around them. When we drop into our hearts we DO feel ALL things. As they do. It is so simple really when I think about it – offering them a sate of being to experience and be around which mirrors their own inherent nature. ‘Being the Horse’ in their presence. Changing my energy to match theirs means that sharing space with them becomes boundless.
So much more has to be said for the power of Horses, we all know deep down (or close to the surface) that these beings are special. Their history, the positions they hold in our world, from athletes to workers to therapist they have been loved, ignored, revered, misunderstood, mistreated, and used… despite all of this our horses ARE our guides, they point us inwards with every step, they hold space for us regardless of whether we are conscious about how much we need them to or not. They do. Every single being on this planet has a message, people, animals, plants, the elements – everything holds a current of truth we can tap into. When we do, when we are able to feel the frequency of that thing, it is important to nurture it – to allow it to expand – to BE WITH it. Loving that thing into a deeper existence so that you can carry it with your every step.
When they called me to BE WITH THEM they were also calling me to BE LIKE THEM, to hold space and morph into their flow. Receiving the information they have to impart happens when I shift and we meet in the middle. When I meet them where they know to go. Toby has been my eternal teacher – always helping me go deeper, see more. He taught me today that receiving the information they have to share actually happens when we BECOME the receiver. By this I mean when we tune ourselves into a more receptive mode of experiencing information. Hearing, seeing, feeling the ALL. He showed me that just as our DNA is said to be where we download high frequency information from, our attention, our focus is also that way. Our attention can be a receiver as well as have a gauging point, it can input as well as output. This lead me to question where the majority of my focus is, day to day, night to night, what is my focus shining on? Where is it? Horses bring us home, in a myriad of ways. Tuning into their energy so that we can BE WITH EACH OTHER is what makes the difference as we move through this remembering relationship of Oneness.
Grids, Horses, Healing.
Tonight with Oli in the arena she showed me an image of us simply connecting. So I un clicked her leap rope, and went and stood by the fence across the arena from her.
As I knelt down and looked at her I felt the connection clock into place. We were connected in the space between us and inside us both, inside her, inside me. We were one. As I looked at her eyes, her ears, and her body there was a distinct sense of something so much larger than those things. Something so much larger than the US who were standing there. There was a spaceousness in which she was communicating to me from / in. As though she was the space and so was I, so there was no separation between who we were together. At times I lost my focus and responded to certain thoughts flittering through my head. When I was able to regain that feeling of expanse I projected an image of to her of her turning towards me. I wanted this to happen. Perhaps it was because of my wanting that it did not happen. I know she felt the image, however she did not turn towards me. Why? I don’t know right now. Asking for things rarely get’s me anywhere with Olympia, the majority of the time She is the one who leads. What I do know is that she had a very important message for me. Not just one but many, she had many important messages for me to bare witness to in that timeless place between us. When there is connection with the horses like this it its as though, in the moment I am aware of time but when I write about it afterwards it becomes clear to me that there was no time present there. There was nothing but the connection, the connection is spaceous timelessness. It is incredible really.
Eventually I walked over to Oli. She responded when I put my hand out for her. I felt my personality come back in, my fears, my doubts, my lack of belief in myself (funny because this morning in my meditation I spoke about how I believe in my power, how I believe in my gifts and how I have these gifts in order to help the world). Here though, standing with Oli I felt it all rush in, all the thoughts I have been thinking over the last few days, weeks! All the incongruent happenings inside me which are so completely the opposite to what we had just been experiencing. In that moment I felt two things at the same time – VERY HUMBLED – AND VERY SHITTY. I felt shitty that I was feeling that way and I felt humbled as I stood in what I was aware of as the presence of such a deeply grounding amazing essence that Olympia was giving off. She just stood there. All knowing. Totally still, whilst this inferno was going on inside me. Totally authentic and macrocosmically present / available / watching. It was as though she saw and knew everything, not from the past or future but because she was listening to my Soul Listening to my Heart and being present with it’s unravelling.
I love her for this. How she does it. It’s incredible to me and always a stark realisation against my own, at times, lack of presence for myself, or for those in my life. How she can stand in her own vibration in to such a degree moves something in me. While I was experiencing all of this I felt a deep rising sensation in my head, in my Third Eye Chakra, Crown and Throat. As though I was being suffocated. I realised that this is what I feel like when I am out of balance, and too much in my mind. This is what it feels like for me. What we had experienced together was spaceousness, what this was was like a crammed and full room. It was a stark contrast indeed.
She simply stood there looking at me. She did not move a muscle. Her eye saying everything she needed to communicate. Which was that we were still One, she was helping me feel into the different states of being one can experience throughout the day. All the infinite moments we are ‘awakening’, how asleep we can feel and how alive we can feel. She was helping me feel this because she knew that this is something I needed to see. I cried then, placing my hands on my heart I simply stood there and cried, allowing the emotion to run through me, over me, as she stood patiently holding space for it to unfurl. There was no-where to go and nothing different to be, do or say. She simply held space and watched, like an eternal Mother as I stepping into a fractal of my emotional self needing to be seen at that time, and actually for a while now. When the wave had subsided I still felt heady yet the energy which had been there before had was now changed. We were still One, in a new world again, every moment is like this with her.
After asking her if there was anything else she wanted to say / do / be, and receiving a ‘no’ we went back to the barn where the other horses were waiting.
She is so profound, this mare who sees all, constantly knowing where to place her Heart’s hand onto me, helping, guiding, translating aspects of the world my human perspective does not take in at times.
Olympia is the perfect combination of intensely aloof and infitely loving. So whenever she signals me to come near her, stand close to her and connect, or simply place my forehead to hers in deep recognition, these moments are glorious for me. Back in the barn we had one of these moments, she sent the image across of me hugging her around the neck so I oblidged. My heart burst into expanse at the gesture and I felt like a child being mothered. There is no greater experience than acting in response to having truly listened to someone. The alignment is out of this world.
She showed me this.
Once we were back in the barn I noticed Florenzo was in a DEEP state of either meditation or universal travel. He was completely ‘gone’. Latina was stood behind him also in ‘state’. Toby right at the back of the barn, in stillness but more here than the others.
Drawing closer to Florenzo I began brushing him to which he threw me an extremely irritated glare. There was something in the air which I was not hearing but could feel, a message which I was skirting around but not touching. Aware of the ‘time’ and wanting to get them out to the field again I moved away from Flo to brush Latina and Toby, whilst I was doing this I did something I used to do a lot when we were living in Hampshire. I asked the Angels who protect to place balls of protection and healing around each of the horses. Allowing each horse to draw into their auric field anything they specifically needed at any time, in any way. An infinite Angelic ball of light essentially. That is how I have always seen it anyway. Today though it was different. As I began the process I felt a real incongruency, or ‘itch’ away from what I was doing. Something just wasn’t sitting right. So I stopped, looked into what it was and the words ‘Healing Geometric Grid’ appeared. The balls of infinite healing I had previously imagined around the horses had now become VERY specific Geometric Patterned Grids. As soon as I saw and felt these grids I took a huge deep breathe and knew that was the truth. These horses had drawn in, set up, and were resting INSIDE healing Grids.
Florenzo had previously mentioned Sacred Geometry and Healing Grids before. Explaining how they heal, Healing Grids, he has mentioned this A LOT actually. I have various different notes about this in the notebook I take with me when I go and sit with them in the field. This time it was more evident to me because rather than writing it down as a concept I actually was guided INTO the energy of what he was talking about. It was as though my conecpt of a healing circle was outdated and what they were showing me was a very big upgrade!
When the horses communicate something collectively to me there is a re-aligning which happens. Whereby any pervious ideas of mine tend to get realigned too. As though we are all going through an ‘upgrade’ is the best way for me to describe it. This can be very ‘broad’ or very ‘finite’ it doesnt really matter and is not important except in terms of explaining the different threads of energy which they are able to inherently transmit and remind us of. It is like everything shifts from one frequency to another, from one version to another, from one reality to another. Then in the new place there is new everything, nothing existed before that place or after. It is like the eternal OM or the eternal Samadhi or the eternal-ness of space inside us. A shifting of reality, moment upon moment.
Become all things as a matter of medicine
These past 10 days have been a real dark night of the soul for me. Cascading through fits of fear I had not realsed were possible for me to handle. Breaking boundaries of what I perceive to be ‘real’ and leaping into new realms.
There really is no limit to this type of personal unfolding. Something I said to a friend of mine last night was that I feel there is no beginning and no end to the recognition of who we are. It is boundless, literally. I mean this in the most productive way that I can mean it. Our Unconscious mind will only present information and / or experience to us when we are ready to receive and process it, allowing integration to actually be a very kind (albeit totally shattering at times) way of becoming (or feeling) more whole. Five years ago I chose to dive straight down and deep into my own inner shadow; with the intention to know myself at a deeper level. The journey has been as harrowing as it has been awakening, today I sit writing these words as a completely different person. So many nuances, habits, beliefs, perceptions, choices, overall energetic patterns, and even physical alignments have shifted, because of my choice to show up more fully on this planet. I behave differently because I now function from an evolving perspective of what Love is and WHO I am. Even right in the midst of unfurling fear I still somehow KNOW I have a choice. The truth is present there, I see that there is no separation between what I am going through and the rest of the world around me. How any suffering I experience is also the suffering of the world, any joy I experience is also the joy of the world. We are ALL this way! Collectively there can be no separation. The sooner and the deeper we all begin to adopt this perspective of Oneness the more we can begin integrating parts of ourselves which NEED to be heard. Diving into my own personal processes helps me connect to others in the best way that I can. Helps me Love others because of the merging of what I am going through! Acknowledging the shadow and the light within ME helps me acknowledge the shadow AND light in the world, in every person, in every animal, in ALL beings. I am not saying it is easy, I am saying that there is beauty in the challenge of coming home again.
Ultimately my choice is always the same; love, in all it’s different forms.
As I entered what my horses have been calling the ‘Inner Void’ this past week I saw all the things I had not seen, saw all the things I knew were right for me. I know I will succumb again to the calling of my eternal space within. To wake up in that space, where all things are known, unknown, and loved.
I also came to know my body on a deeper level. Came to so many clear understandings of how it helps us heal. In this way these words appeared:
🌟🌟
Recover the ways of your nature, become all things as a matter of medicine.
Your physical body is a gateway, a precipice on which all things are known and unknown. Only the experience that passes through this doorway into the eternal You is what is perceived as truth. For in One breathe you are the edge, the opening and the infinite. Containing it’s own vast consciousness your body shifts frequency based on what you call in in this Conscious and Unconscious way you have.
Our physical bodies house it ALL. Every-Thing. Nothing escapes its knowledge of who you truly are. It is awake to you, it sees you moment by moment in your entirety.
Step inside it now, see for yourself how much has been waiting to dance again.
Every portrait you ever created of who you thought you were is present there……and all the rest.
Bear witness to the power which your body IS. Respect it.. Know that you have chosen it for a reason, all the pain and bliss in the world is felt here. Nowhere else. THROUGH the consciousness of your form you are then less than that as you climb up to emerge through the portal of awakening again.
And in it’s centre….. Space.
Every cell, every particle, every organ…. Space. More space than we can possibly ‘IMAGINE’. This vastness knows only your feeling look.
Lean into it when you can. Lay your head down to rest upon the timelessness of realisation. Surrender into you. ~~
🌟🌟
Be the safest place
Over the last week and a half I have been working with Toby on his own away from the others. It was a calling to connect with him at a deeper level. To let him know that I will do everything in my capability to create a space of love for him to be in. What this also means is me being hyper aware of many different personal elements too, for example: Where my energy is, where my thoughts are, what my focus is applied to. As much as I want to let him know he is safe with me he is already acutely aware of where my energy so it actually has to be a two-fold experience because we are sharing space.
Day 1 and 2 were all about listening to each other. Going through the waves of Toby being away from the herd and me being open to acknowledging his needs free of conditions.
Day 3 he moved towards me. The current of energy between us had shifted into a more productive, action orientated frequency. We spent time focussing on the physical aspect of being together. Ground work, flexion, stretching etc. I wanted to really show him how much I care about him, how I am prepared to LISTEN to what he needs. At the end of day 3 we stood together, falling into a deep state of silence. Expanding through the vastness of space in each of our beings. Our bodies holding steady whilst the flow of experience unfurled.
Time dissolved as all I knew was his eye, his presence, his message. Here in this place where all things merge into the known and unknown – here I felt at home again.
As we stood in this way I became aware of all things. The depth of where we had expanded into and the physical dimension as well. Feeling my feet on the ground whilst simultaneously experiencing the infinite vastness of where we were. The bifold way of being.
The following days with Toby have been an advancement of physical and energetic connection in this way. Focussing on the groundwork and then entering DEEP space together.
Our relationship has changed completely. Where I felt he was so attached to the others to the point of neediness and insecurity he has now begun to adopt much more confidence, he feels much happier away from the herd and his energy is different too. Now, as soon as we see each other there is a connection. The foundation has been laid for both of us to grow from in that ‘togetherness’ which the horses had been repeatedly telling me to tap into.
Their bond is solid, the herd bond is something I am currently stepping INTO, it is not something I feel I am yet a part of to the degree I want to be. Through this connecting however, all things are possible. Entering such a deep space of ‘seeing’ with each other, a new fibre is created. One of assurance. My message of commitment to him has been heard.
We now ‘know’ each other on a different level.
As people, where can we know each other on a deeper level? Where can we hold space for authenticity to thrive?
There isn’t just one way of being in this world. We have the ability to flex the muscles of inner arrangement to the point of CREATING compatibility by virtue of our intention to do so. What if we called to those places in our lives where we know more sharing can be had. More truth. More depth. More MEANING. We are all on the same boat moving towards a destination which exists because of our power to create it in the first place.
This is our time to expand 