Finding Self

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I have always had a fascination with the Unseen aspects of life. Always wanting to dig deeper, to find a tunnel through what is into the meaning of things. The mystery of the world we see, the world within.

Obscuring this need to discover more, at some point I shut off from all things ‘Magic’, from the etheric beauty of what we call form. The horses are helping me re-discover this, everyday a little bit deeper into the Unknown. A little bit further beyond the boundaries of what I perceive to be a ‘safety’ arena. Leading me to question everything. Eventually a tumbling of totality will occur, guiding me down into the chasm of the present moment. Through thought and into the un-thought world. There is a stream which we all come from, it is as much a fact as the molecular structure of the air we breathe throughout the day, we all come from the same stream of energy. The horses ignite this remembrance easily, as though a simple glance tells all things.

Animal Communication is a way of tapping into this stream of consciousness, in my opinion it is a currency of truth. Horses demand ultimate authenticity and are therefore masters of adept personality refinement. No one can stand near a horse without feeling a sense of unfolding. The people who are courageous enough to look themselves in eye, in the heart, in the soul, are the ones who will dive deeper into the mystery these incredible beings hold.

Our Horses also hold an ancestral link to the companions we have made space for in our lives. They are all here for a reason, they are here to be heard, to listen to you, to call your authentic self forward so that a space of mystical reverence can be experienced again and again. It is not a trap, a misguided representation or a control method, our horses simply need us to dig deep and take responsibility for how we are feeling, for who we are being and how we can express what we have inside us! What I am learning more and more everyday is that for this Unseen world to be traversed I need to dig deep into the space between worlds inside me. The horses’ message this morning was – Find that ‘Self’ inside you which is also inside us – Find this Self.

What is coming forward at this time is a new type of surrender. A deep archetypal transference which transcends concept and instead reigns through Oneness. Ultimatum and beyond. The horses have me, their presence is a beacon as I gently un-peel layers of conditioning, layers of beliefs, layers of habitual reasoning. Sometimes we have to go to a whole new place to recognize where we were, stand in a whole new energy, a whole new way, a whole new sense of Self.

Is there a slip between what we dream and what we know to be true in our ‘awakened’ state? I think so. This realm, this world, what if someone told you you were dreaming and meant it? What if we touched a fabric of real time and felt it fall away between our fingers, between our thoughts. What if the construct of the world we see could just as easily morph into a whole new tapestry? Our thoughts are powerful, especially when we step up as the bearer of their direction and will. A whole new world can be created through the power of thought-stream-consciousness. Perhaps what you touch today is not real unless you make it so. What would you tap into now? A whole new way of being, or a deeper sense of knowing what truly living in your power feels like?

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Be with me

As I sat with the horses this morning, their messages swept over me, helping me bask in their expansive energy. Horses are able to dive so quickly and easily into the space between worlds. Their sense of reality always a guage for us to steer into and observe, experientially upholding a validation for their ability to roam the dimensions with ease.

This morning my intention was to go deep into that meditative space with them. The first thing I noticed however was the intense pounding of my mind! Stopping for a moment had helped me see where all my focus has been. Thoughts were whirling around my head, an unstoppable fire caught in the wind, spreading in an erratic, unpredictable way, thoughts about updating my website, about which posts should go where in relation to how relevant each piece of writing is for the reader. Thoughts about my blog…Yes, all this was still whirling around in my head. I have read that there is a high number of people who had never experienced anxiety until they joined social media. I can very easily see how that could be true. It felt like too much, an overwhelming force of overactivity inside me. I have had this tendency, to be too ‘in my head’. It feels like friction through body when this happens, an uninhabited land. As I sat I did my best to breathe back into my body, to calm my mind and focus, focus on expanding my awareness to include that of the horses. To feel them.

Latina came over then, she stood with me and instantly the message came through:

“The ‘Horse frequency’ is the ‘Heart frequency.’” She helped me drop into my heart centre and stay there, not just there though, everywhere, expanding outward. Her message was clear, ‘BE with me’. That was all, no fluffy details about why, for what reason, or how…. The message was so clear that in its clarity the sense it made was perfect. Just ‘Be with me’. Be with me. My intention had been to go into space with them, but how could I do that in the way I wanted to if I was not showing up for / with them. I watch how they are all so present with each other, engaging exactly when the other needs it, moving in a synchronistic melody, the way they innately interact is a dance which at times rages and at times breathes life from stillness.

Horses ARE the present moment, I have never experienced such a transition from a state of mental flurry to heart calming expanse, never so quickly or as gently as with the horses. Their ability to bring us from one state into another is, in my book, as powerful as any other guide on Earth.

So the sitting and learning to ‘BE’ continued… Toby came forward to bathe in the energy Latina and I were sharing he also had a message, expanding upon what we were already feeling into he offered his wise perspective as always. He said that it is about me Being with them on all levels, not solely from my heart, but on ALL levels. Showing up from where I was from and entering into all things around them. When we drop into our hearts we DO feel ALL things. As they do. It is so simple really when I think about it – offering them a sate of being to experience and be around which mirrors their own inherent nature. ‘Being the Horse’ in their presence. Changing my energy to match theirs means that sharing space with them becomes boundless.

So much more has to be said for the power of Horses, we all know deep down (or close to the surface) that these beings are special. Their history, the positions they hold in our world, from athletes to workers to therapist they have been loved, ignored, revered, misunderstood, mistreated, and used… despite all of this our horses ARE our guides, they point us inwards with every step, they hold space for us regardless of whether we are conscious about how much we need them to or not. They do. Every single being on this planet has a message, people, animals, plants, the elements – everything holds a current of truth we can tap into. When we do, when we are able to feel the frequency of that thing, it is important to nurture it – to allow it to expand – to BE WITH it. Loving that thing into a deeper existence so that you can carry it with your every step.

When they called me to BE WITH THEM they were also calling me to BE LIKE THEM, to hold space and morph into their flow. Receiving the information they have to impart happens when I shift and we meet in the middle. When I meet them where they know to go. Toby has been my eternal teacher – always helping me go deeper, see more. He taught me today that receiving the information they have to share actually happens when we BECOME the receiver. By this I mean when we tune ourselves into a more receptive mode of experiencing information. Hearing, seeing, feeling the ALL. He showed me that just as our DNA is said to be where we download high frequency information from, our attention, our focus is also that way. Our attention can be a receiver as well as have a gauging point, it can input as well as output. This lead me to question where the majority of my focus is, day to day, night to night, what is my focus shining on? Where is it? Horses bring us home, in a myriad of ways. Tuning into their energy so that we can BE WITH EACH OTHER is what makes the difference as we move through this remembering relationship of Oneness.

Become all things as a matter of medicine

These past 10 days have been a real dark night of the soul for me. Cascading through fits of fear I had not realsed were possible for me to handle. Breaking boundaries of what I perceive to be ‘real’ and leaping into new realms.

There really is no limit to this type of personal unfolding. Something I said to a friend of mine last night was that I feel there is no beginning and no end to the recognition of who we are. It is boundless, literally. I mean this in the most productive way that I can mean it. Our Unconscious mind will only present information and / or experience to us when we are ready to receive and process it, allowing integration to actually be a very kind (albeit totally shattering at times) way of becoming (or feeling) more whole. Five years ago I chose to dive straight down and deep into my own inner shadow; with the intention to know myself at a deeper level. The journey has been as harrowing as it has been awakening, today I sit writing these words as a completely different person. So many nuances, habits, beliefs, perceptions, choices, overall energetic patterns, and even physical alignments have shifted, because of my choice to show up more fully on this planet. I behave differently because I now function from an evolving perspective of what Love is and WHO I am. Even right in the midst of unfurling fear I still somehow KNOW I have a choice. The truth is present there, I see that there is no separation between what I am going through and the rest of the world around me. How any suffering I experience is also the suffering of the world, any joy I experience is also the joy of the world. We are ALL this way! Collectively there can be no separation. The sooner and the deeper we all begin to adopt this perspective of Oneness the more we can begin integrating parts of ourselves which NEED to be heard. Diving into my own personal processes helps me connect to others in the best way that I can. Helps me Love others because of the merging of what I am going through! Acknowledging the shadow and the light within ME helps me acknowledge the shadow AND light in the world, in every person, in every animal, in ALL beings. I am not saying it is easy, I am saying that there is beauty in the challenge of coming home again.

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Ultimately my choice is always the same; love, in all it’s different forms.

As I entered what my horses have been calling the ‘Inner Void’ this past week I saw all the things I had not seen, saw all the things I knew were right for me. I know I will succumb again to the calling of my eternal space within. To wake up in that space, where all things are known, unknown, and loved.

I also came to know my body on a deeper level. Came to so many clear understandings of how it helps us heal. In this way these words appeared:

🌟🌟

Recover the ways of your nature, become all things as a matter of medicine.

Your physical body is a gateway, a precipice on which all things are known and unknown. Only the experience that passes through this doorway into the eternal You is what is perceived as truth. For in One breathe you are the edge, the opening and the infinite. Containing it’s own vast consciousness your body shifts frequency based on what you call in in this Conscious and Unconscious way you have.

Our physical bodies house it ALL. Every-Thing. Nothing escapes its knowledge of who you truly are. It is awake to you, it sees you moment by moment in your entirety.

Step inside it now, see for yourself how much has been waiting to dance again.

Every portrait you ever created of who you thought you were is present there……and all the rest.

Bear witness to the power which your body IS. Respect it.. Know that you have chosen it for a reason, all the pain and bliss in the world is felt here. Nowhere else. THROUGH the consciousness of your form you are then less than that as you climb up to emerge through the portal of awakening again.

And in it’s centre….. Space.

Every cell, every particle, every organ…. Space. More space than we can possibly ‘IMAGINE’. This vastness knows only your feeling look.

Lean into it when you can. Lay your head down to rest upon the timelessness of realisation. Surrender into you. ~~

🌟🌟

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Be the safest place

Over the last week and a half I have been working with Toby on his own away from the others. It was a calling to connect with him at a deeper level. To let him know that I will do everything in my capability to create a space of love for him to be in. What this also means is me being hyper aware of many different personal elements too, for example: Where my energy is, where my thoughts are, what my focus is applied to. As much as I want to let him know he is safe with me he is already acutely aware of where my energy so it actually has to be a two-fold experience because we are sharing space.

Day 1 and 2 were all about listening to each other. Going through the waves of Toby being away from the herd and me being open to acknowledging his needs free of conditions.

Day 3 he moved towards me. The current of energy between us had shifted into a more productive, action orientated frequency. We spent time focussing on the physical aspect of being together. Ground work, flexion, stretching etc. I wanted to really show him how much I care about him, how I am prepared to LISTEN to what he needs. At the end of day 3 we stood together, falling into a deep state of silence. Expanding through the vastness of space in each of our beings. Our bodies holding steady whilst the flow of experience unfurled.

Time dissolved as all I knew was his eye, his presence, his message. Here in this place where all things merge into the known and unknown – here I felt at home again.

As we stood in this way I became aware of all things. The depth of where we had expanded into and the physical dimension as well. Feeling my feet on the ground whilst simultaneously experiencing the infinite vastness of where we were. The bifold way of being.

The following days with Toby have been an advancement of physical and energetic connection in this way. Focussing on the groundwork and then entering DEEP space together.

Our relationship has changed completely. Where I felt he was so attached to the others to the point of neediness and insecurity he has now begun to adopt much more confidence, he feels much happier away from the herd and his energy is different too. Now, as soon as we see each other there is a connection. The foundation has been laid for both of us to grow from in that ‘togetherness’ which the horses had been repeatedly telling me to tap into.

Their bond is solid, the herd bond is something I am currently stepping INTO, it is not something I feel I am yet a part of to the degree I want to be. Through this connecting however, all things are possible. Entering such a deep space of ‘seeing’ with each other, a new fibre is created. One of assurance. My message of commitment to him has been heard.

We now ‘know’ each other on a different level.

As people, where can we know each other on a deeper level? Where can we hold space for authenticity to thrive?
There isn’t just one way of being in this world. We have the ability to flex the muscles of inner arrangement to the point of CREATING compatibility by virtue of our intention to do so. What if we called to those places in our lives where we know more sharing can be had. More truth. More depth. More MEANING. We are all on the same boat moving towards a destination which exists because of our power to create it in the first place.

Empaths and Horses

Horses are prey animals. What this means is that their ability to tune into their environment is one the most safe guard giving abilities they have. As I watch my horses I notice their DISTINCT capacity to tune into Mother Nature, it is quite extraordinary!
Now, for those of you who do not know; an Empath is a person who is also highly attuned to THEIR environment. This includes people, places, animals, scenarios, events, food and anything else you can think of that we come to meet in our day to day lives. Many people associate someone who is empathic to being ‘extra sensitive’, emotionally, physically etc to other people. However being an Empath essentially means that your sensitivity not just to the people in your world but also your WHOLE world is of an ACUTE degree. It is my personal belief that we actually ALL have empathic abilities once we turn them to ‘on’ enough to allow them to flow again.

When I was a child my abilities meant that the world actually seemed like a very scary place, intense, powerful, and in constant need of a type of navigation I just did not feel that I had at the time. So, like many people who are this sensitive I shut it all down. I said ‘no’ to the intensity and ‘yes’ to what I believed at the time
was an ‘easier’ way of functioning.

However as my world and work with animals continues to deepen the tides have changed. The sensitive nature of MY being I have discovered is in direct proportion to the sensitive essence and necessity of existence in the Horses (this includes Dogs as well however I will write more about them another time). They rely on being ‘Empathic’ with the world around them, including each other of course, in order to function in a harmonised way. The power of how present they are is at times even alarming to me as it brings into direct contrast how delicate the ‘nature of the beast’ truly is. And how truly valuable ones sensitive abilities ARE!

I watch them send ‘invisible’ messages to one another in such subtly that it takes a certain type of etheric or invisible nature in myself to witness. Every day I am held with the lesson of how to BE more like them in order to SEE at a deeper level what they are saying, and ultimately portraying as animals who have roamed with us for thousands of years.
I invite you to ask yourself on a daily basis – ‘Where do my sensitivies lie?’ ‘How can I become more attuned to my world so that I can see, hear, and feel at a much more profound level if needs be?’ ‘How can I become more attuned to my environment, with awareness and grace?’

Also ask ‘How do I currently feel about ‘being sensitive’ in general?’

In order to tune into our Horses from a different level it is important that we access the dimensions within us which are a match to theirs. That we also ride the wave of how THEY do things so that how we do things becomes much more complete, together.

Translating this out into the human world; we interact with people EVERYDAY. Even if you are taking a solo retreat out in nature away from the MASSES you still EXIST in an environment which is contributed to by many many others. As the Horses do so can we. Their hearing, seeing, sensing, all knowing vibe is as fully incarnate as our primal instincts as humans are. And yet our capacity to be both Prey and Predator is of equal stature. Tune into your world today, see what you pick up / feel / know. Trust it and KNOW that it is TRUTH.

Heart Touch

Touch me not in that way

With eyes half closed, unwilling to see me.

Touch me not in that way

From your skin only, the surface world.

For I am not there, you will not find me

My place of peace resides inside the fulcrum of all things.

What you were told about me is not true.

I do not want you to do what all the others do.

Be different. Be YOU.

Step forward with tentative feet into a place we can both meet.

Inside your chest is my focus, open the door to that forgotten land where you will find those sand dunes of time ever shifting and intertwined with your purpose for me.

Remember (y)our intention is Divine

That treasure of spirit-full connection lives deep inside the lines of

‘our unified reflection’.

Your love

Your trust

Your knowing

~ This is where I am ~ Always ready for our infinite embrace ~

So touch me not in that old way

With eyes half closed

Open your arms and become the soft fabric of space between our bodies.

This place of intimate relating, this is where my needs are seen.

Journey back home dear one for we are all living in the same Kingdom of Heaven.

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Falling into Being

Cascading down the line of fine infinite potential we witnessed the harshness and the gentle caress of a storms wings upon our faces. Swirling, curving our way we opened slowly but surely seeing the horizon we have all harboured inside ourselves.

What a taken solace it is to glance upwards and remember who we are. Who each person is and to gain momentum in our perspective of that such thing. When I do my best to look into the fulcrum point of this inner temple, I see one thing. A complete harmonious fluid structure of caring of sharing and of creation. In our creation the light will come forward and save our world that doesn’t need saving. It is us who are the savers and the saved the cautious and the brave the witness and the subject of a continuous unfolding.

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The Light in our Freedom

As my time with the animals in my life has developed, along with own personal consciousness we have arrived at a rather lovely scenario of shared intention.

Every day when I leave the horses for the evening I ask myself ‘ How do I want the horses to feel? ‘

The answer to this question has, like all things, evolved. However for the past few months the answer is always the same – I want my horses to feel –

‘Unconditionally Loved. With the highest possible outcome in mind, may they feel that they are capable of achieving whatever their Heart’s Desire is. Held in a space of absolute potential and Divine Love.’

This may sounds strange to some. The horse’s ‘Heart’s Desire’, but I believe that all beings are on a trajectory of intentional creation. Whether that is on an energetic or physical level. All beings have an emotive transparency which they emit constantly, how much we are aware of this is the question I have asked myself MANY times. ‘How much am I listening?’ ‘How can I hear more clearly the voice of this Heart space between us.’

Thus the intentional light I choose to hold my horses in is one of expansion and of unfolding into their Heart’s Desires. My duty is to show up for them in a way which translates desire to outcome if needs be.

Now from the perspective of all things being One there is of course an intertwining with my own sense of feeling free. The intention for my horses stems from one of my deepest intentions for myself. To feel completely unbound by pressure and to roam inside the present moment with my sense of self wholly celebrated.

Many times I have felt the wires of my own integrity cross with those of our cultural belief systems. Seeking something which my mind told me was outside the ‘norm’. Holding myself back because of a generic idea of what ‘being acceptable’ is. The shift came the moment I saw I was the one applying pressure as much as I was the one feeling pressurized. There was no visible or attainable external force, it was a battle waged on the inside. Slowly I began to unravel the chains of expectation I had created as a byproduct of societal structure. I began feeling into the new world of being present with ME rather than chasing an unattainable ‘idea’ which morphs out of view as soon as you come close. The ultimate mirage.

Being able to be WHOEVER WE WANT TO BE. This is freedom for me. Not the action itself but the FEELING. Because once we are in that state the action of genuine authentic speech, thoughts and connection become second nature. Condition free.

Being whoever I want to be – what does this look like? If I was to explain it to someone who may have a completely different sense for what that is what would I say?

Feeling free means that ALWAYS, under ALL circumstances, with ALL people, things and in all places – putting your own truth first, and arriving at a place where this is your HIGHEST option taken. Where YOUR voice matters because you have come to terms with what it sounds like. Where who you actually ARE in that moment is far more important than anything else.

There are many different roads you can take towards living in your Heart as a dedication to loving yourself more. Whether it is freedom, raising your voice, being seen, being heard, attending to your world with humility, unbinding yourself from the past to live more fully in bond with the NOW, the path itself will ultimately create a MUCH deeper sense of recognising who you are.

As I sit here in deep reflection upon the intricate web of life and all things included, I set my intention for the day:

‘That the highest possible option may come to pass for all beings, and may the unity of our hearts ring true with what freedom looks like on an individual and collective level.’

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