The power of vulnerable potential.

Many schools of thought within the psychological field teach us about limiting beliefs; about constructs within the mind stemmed from a collection of repetitive cerebral interplay. For years recognising personal beliefs has been a big learning curve, I have found that when I push myself past the point of thought and into the realm of the unknown there is great & powerful growth to be had. It’s easier to play safe than it is to open oneself up to a new reality. The majority of mainstream education teaches us not to step outside a certain parameter into a space of …….vulnerability. However as Brené Brown so adequately says; ‘vulnerability is the birth place of innovation, creativity & change.’ These parameters include what we believe about our Horses & the reason they are here in our lives. We love them, cherish their presence, how much deeper can / does that relationship go? Can all relationships go for that matter? What if our Soul bonds reach through the physical world into an etheric field of intimacy & expansion. Countless spiritual experiences have occurred between Humans and Horses. What dictates these experiences is the level of openness we practice, and in this practice realise again and again (creating new thought stream) where our boundaries of belief are. What do I believe about this situation and more importantly WHY? When we truly see how everything we experience in the material world is a program to some degree we begin re-writing the chapters in our own words.

Take our physical capacity for example – the average Human life expectancy is 72 years. There is much science to back this up and I am in no way disputing that this is one truth, however if we stop for a second and think about what this means……..WHY is that the statistic? Men & Women in ancient cultures lived long past the age of 100 and in thriving health, in the western world this figure (increased since WWI) is primarily dictated by the level of stress experienced on a daily basis throughout the general population, but who is telling us that? Is this THE truth or one repetitive mental flurry told again and again by millions of people over hundreds of years which eventually arrives neatly into our personal unconscious mind? I hear people in their 30’s saying that they are ‘getting old’…….I mean.…..where does this even come from? If it is a collective belief then aren’t we part of that collective? And aren’t we the ones who can personally dictate the EXACT outcome of our physical power & longevity?

Back to Horses now. Have you ever asked yourself why your Horse is in your life and gone deeper than the physical answer? Are there any beliefs you carry around the way your Horse should behave… work….look….act….do everything? How would you re-define what ‘being together’ means for you both in equally relatable terms… remembering that the unknown is always new ground for growth.

When the lenses of society are removed we leave ourselves standing in vulnerable nakedness to the potential of something unknown and extricably life changing.

When She calls you.

Where do you go when the wind calls you?

I saw a flicker of your presence in the moon light.

Whispers, whispers, whispers.

Many times we stood together, shoulder to shoulder in reverence at the night sky.

Inhale, exhale, breathe in motion as One stroke of life falls into being. How much more of this bliss is there? Will we ever truly know?

As the curve of blue surrounds us, up high in the ocean we turn, flying forward in an open ministry of sound. Dig deeper look further for all things lie unto this place.

Light swims in turn

Dancing dancing showing her skills

When all the waves of time have past what is left?

This dance

I did not know you were her, and I she, and we all things One.

But when the moment of awakening came it was as though it had already been.

As though I knew it, as a beloved kin, saluting me once more. Eternal remembrance.

How much time shall pass. None.

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The Mystery of Your Soul

Absolutely everything has an energy to it. All things, all time and space, every thing in existence. All categories of life, words, thoughts, actions, dreams.

Like a flower we expand towards the light. Even in the darkness of our being in that contracted state of fear the flower is still present, still exists.

Light is a bearer of truth. It moves through the space of constancy which we see around us. Enlightening each being and holding space in breathe and presence. The Horse’s light is grandiose, it moves in waves encompassing the fabric of ’emptiness’. It dives into the Earth connecting with sacred grids of the planet and shapes of the Universe. There is a feeling of mystery which lies past the veil of understanding and deep inside the movement of your own Soul. The animals of this planet know this, they work WITH their Divine Nature. Trusting signals, listening deeply and displaying acts of kindness far beyond the average human realm. It is time to remember where we are this kind. By settling into your own light, your own being, witness how your Horses’ behaviour changes.

In the finite eclipses of sheltered expression there will be gestures calling you to understand.

Find the place filled with light between you and your Horse. Sit in it. Become one with it. Know it as your kin, it is fertile ground for awakening.

From the Earth to the Sky the same running current flows, no one party exists more frequently than the other. In some ways we are here to heal and in our healing we unravel the magic lying dormant there.

The perfection of remembrance held tightly to your core. An idea of a right or wrong way is an idea of an ideal, it is YOUR UNIQUE way which holds creation in balance. Making for your Horse to expand into.

In stillness

When the power of Divine will moves through you, feel how you are a part of it’s creation.

In Stillness.

In Dance.

In Honour.

Grids, Horses, Healing.

Tonight with Oli in the arena she showed me an image of us simply connecting. So I un clicked her leap rope, and went and stood by the fence across the arena from her.

As I knelt down and looked at her I felt the connection clock into place. We were connected in the space between us and inside us both, inside her, inside me. We were one. As I looked at her eyes, her ears, and her body there was a distinct sense of something so much larger than those things. Something so much larger than the US who were standing there. There was a spaceousness in which she was communicating to me from / in. As though she was the space and so was I, so there was no separation between who we were together. At times I lost my focus and responded to certain thoughts flittering through my head. When I was able to regain that feeling of expanse I projected an image of to her of her turning towards me. I wanted this to happen. Perhaps it was because of my wanting that it did not happen. I know she felt the image, however she did not turn towards me. Why? I don’t know right now. Asking for things rarely get’s me anywhere with Olympia, the majority of the time She is the one who leads. What I do know is that she had a very important message for me. Not just one but many, she had many important messages for me to bare witness to in that timeless place between us. When there is connection with the horses like this it its as though, in the moment I am aware of time but when I write about it afterwards it becomes clear to me that there was no time present there. There was nothing but the connection, the connection is spaceous timelessness. It is incredible really.

Eventually I walked over to Oli. She responded when I put my hand out for her. I felt my personality come back in, my fears, my doubts, my lack of belief in myself (funny because this morning in my meditation I spoke about how I believe in my power, how I believe in my gifts and how I have these gifts in order to help the world). Here though, standing with Oli I felt it all rush in, all the thoughts I have been thinking over the last few days, weeks! All the incongruent happenings inside me which are so completely the opposite to what we had just been experiencing. In that moment I felt two things at the same time – VERY HUMBLED – AND VERY SHITTY. I felt shitty that I was feeling that way and I felt humbled as I stood in what I was aware of as the presence of such a deeply grounding amazing essence that Olympia was giving off. She just stood there. All knowing. Totally still, whilst this inferno was going on inside me. Totally authentic and macrocosmically present / available / watching. It was as though she saw and knew everything, not from the past or future but because she was listening to my Soul Listening to my Heart and being present with it’s unravelling.

I love her for this. How she does it. It’s incredible to me and always a stark realisation against my own, at times, lack of presence for myself, or for those in my life. How she can stand in her own vibration in to such a degree moves something in me. While I was experiencing all of this I felt a deep rising sensation in my head, in my Third Eye Chakra, Crown and Throat. As though I was being suffocated. I realised that this is what I feel like when I am out of balance, and too much in my mind. This is what it feels like for me. What we had experienced together was spaceousness, what this was was like a crammed and full room. It was a stark contrast indeed.

She simply stood there looking at me. She did not move a muscle. Her eye saying everything she needed to communicate. Which was that we were still One, she was helping me feel into the different states of being one can experience throughout the day. All the infinite moments we are ‘awakening’, how asleep we can feel and how alive we can feel. She was helping me feel this because she knew that this is something I needed to see. I cried then, placing my hands on my heart I simply stood there and cried, allowing the emotion to run through me, over me, as she stood patiently holding space for it to unfurl. There was no-where to go and nothing different to be, do or say. She simply held space and watched, like an eternal Mother as I stepping into a fractal of my emotional self needing to be seen at that time, and actually for a while now. When the wave had subsided I still felt heady yet the energy which had been there before had was now changed. We were still One, in a new world again, every moment is like this with her.

After asking her if there was anything else she wanted to say / do / be, and receiving a ‘no’ we went back to the barn where the other horses were waiting.

She is so profound, this mare who sees all, constantly knowing where to place her Heart’s hand onto me, helping, guiding, translating aspects of the world my human perspective does not take in at times.

Olympia is the perfect combination of intensely aloof and infitely loving. So whenever she signals me to come near her, stand close to her and connect, or simply place my forehead to hers in deep recognition, these moments are glorious for me. Back in the barn we had one of these moments, she sent the image across of me hugging her around the neck so I oblidged. My heart burst into expanse at the gesture and I felt like a child being mothered. There is no greater experience than acting in response to having truly listened to someone. The alignment is out of this world.

She showed me this.

Once we were back in the barn I noticed Florenzo was in a DEEP state of either meditation or universal travel. He was completely ‘gone’. Latina was stood behind him also in ‘state’. Toby right at the back of the barn, in stillness but more here than the others.

Drawing closer to Florenzo I began brushing him to which he threw me an extremely irritated glare. There was something in the air which I was not hearing but could feel, a message which I was skirting around but not touching. Aware of the ‘time’ and wanting to get them out to the field again I moved away from Flo to brush Latina and Toby, whilst I was doing this I did something I used to do a lot when we were living in Hampshire. I asked the Angels who protect to place balls of protection and healing around each of the horses. Allowing each horse to draw into their auric field anything they specifically needed at any time, in any way. An infinite Angelic ball of light essentially. That is how I have always seen it anyway. Today though it was different. As I began the process I felt a real incongruency, or ‘itch’ away from what I was doing. Something just wasn’t sitting right. So I stopped, looked into what it was and the words ‘Healing Geometric Grid’ appeared. The balls of infinite healing I had previously imagined around the horses had now become VERY specific Geometric Patterned Grids. As soon as I saw and felt these grids I took a huge deep breathe and knew that was the truth. These horses had drawn in, set up, and were resting INSIDE healing Grids.

Florenzo had previously mentioned Sacred Geometry and Healing Grids before. Explaining how they heal, Healing Grids, he has mentioned this A LOT actually. I have various different notes about this in the notebook I take with me when I go and sit with them in the field. This time it was more evident to me because rather than writing it down as a concept I actually was guided INTO the energy of what he was talking about. It was as though my conecpt of a healing circle was outdated and what they were showing me was a very big upgrade!

When the horses communicate something collectively to me there is a re-aligning which happens. Whereby any pervious ideas of mine tend to get realigned too. As though we are all going through an ‘upgrade’ is the best way for me to describe it. This can be very ‘broad’ or very ‘finite’ it doesnt really matter and is not important except in terms of explaining the different threads of energy which they are able to inherently transmit and remind us of. It is like everything shifts from one frequency to another, from one version to another, from one reality to another. Then in the new place there is new everything, nothing existed before that place or after. It is like the eternal OM or the eternal Samadhi or the eternal-ness of space inside us. A shifting of reality, moment upon moment.

Be the safest place

Over the last week and a half I have been working with Toby on his own away from the others. It was a calling to connect with him at a deeper level. To let him know that I will do everything in my capability to create a space of love for him to be in. What this also means is me being hyper aware of many different personal elements too, for example: Where my energy is, where my thoughts are, what my focus is applied to. As much as I want to let him know he is safe with me he is already acutely aware of where my energy so it actually has to be a two-fold experience because we are sharing space.

Day 1 and 2 were all about listening to each other. Going through the waves of Toby being away from the herd and me being open to acknowledging his needs free of conditions.

Day 3 he moved towards me. The current of energy between us had shifted into a more productive, action orientated frequency. We spent time focussing on the physical aspect of being together. Ground work, flexion, stretching etc. I wanted to really show him how much I care about him, how I am prepared to LISTEN to what he needs. At the end of day 3 we stood together, falling into a deep state of silence. Expanding through the vastness of space in each of our beings. Our bodies holding steady whilst the flow of experience unfurled.

Time dissolved as all I knew was his eye, his presence, his message. Here in this place where all things merge into the known and unknown – here I felt at home again.

As we stood in this way I became aware of all things. The depth of where we had expanded into and the physical dimension as well. Feeling my feet on the ground whilst simultaneously experiencing the infinite vastness of where we were. The bifold way of being.

The following days with Toby have been an advancement of physical and energetic connection in this way. Focussing on the groundwork and then entering DEEP space together.

Our relationship has changed completely. Where I felt he was so attached to the others to the point of neediness and insecurity he has now begun to adopt much more confidence, he feels much happier away from the herd and his energy is different too. Now, as soon as we see each other there is a connection. The foundation has been laid for both of us to grow from in that ‘togetherness’ which the horses had been repeatedly telling me to tap into.

Their bond is solid, the herd bond is something I am currently stepping INTO, it is not something I feel I am yet a part of to the degree I want to be. Through this connecting however, all things are possible. Entering such a deep space of ‘seeing’ with each other, a new fibre is created. One of assurance. My message of commitment to him has been heard.

We now ‘know’ each other on a different level.

As people, where can we know each other on a deeper level? Where can we hold space for authenticity to thrive?
There isn’t just one way of being in this world. We have the ability to flex the muscles of inner arrangement to the point of CREATING compatibility by virtue of our intention to do so. What if we called to those places in our lives where we know more sharing can be had. More truth. More depth. More MEANING. We are all on the same boat moving towards a destination which exists because of our power to create it in the first place.

Art of the Forest

In the fabric of such a notion as reality can the play of life ever cease?

Or is it us who open a doorway to the New Age?

Let the ego sleep its restless will

Cornering emotion the rising flow of healing’s devotion

Weep not for in its nature is the teaching.

Who are you who sees behind the lake house of silent awareness?

Who are you who seeks. Who meets life in full flight again and again.

Creaking bark and the tethered stark of dawn lit leaves.

Now smell the sweet pine as it adventures through you. Weaving in the pulsing beat of your own melodic composure.

Again let the ego rest its tired head upon the chest of my truth. Come into the embrace you long for, notice it all around you.

Lay the ego down to rest now and trust the family of your Soul.

Hear my voice in the shadows you speak from. Unzip any armour and be laid bear upon the sands of the present.

Let my shores crash over you, the cleansing salts of your truth being witnessed once more. Allow this. Allow this.

Sexuality ~ A lesson from Mother Earth ~

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For years in the western world our Sexual nature has been both covered up and exploited. We have been told to not be seen to be too Sexual and at the same time to purchase products whose media campaigns are based solely around the image of Sex Selling Best.

Many of you know how much the tide of sexual expression has been suppressed and is now re emerging with the voices of powerful women at it’s forefront. The process I describe below is one branch off the tree to an infinite number of healing stories.

Due to many social and cultural conditions I have grown up with a deep sense of what ~ ‘Beauty IS.’

A generic IDEA of what I need to do or who I need to be in order to feel that I am desirable to the world around me. This has translated out to all areas of my life however inside the world of relationships the programs are at their peak.

As soon as the build up to sexual interaction beckons I have in the past felt a deep sense of dread, as a survivor of sexual assault this fear has been part of my body’s language response and a ‘how do we stay safe this time’ strategy. However the mental dread is what I am referring to this time.

As I become more and more aware of my habitual thoughts and patterns I am of course also able to begin applying the power of my choice to direct this flow of mental activity in a more desirable direction on a consistent basis.

This morning I noticed a flurry of thoughts come forward. Whilst contemplating sexual encounters in general and how the overall Tabooed sexual world is truly rising to be seen in a new (and old) light, my thoughts turned inwards to myself and what this means for me on a personal level. Immediately ‘The Dread’ arose too. There was a DISTINCT fear of engagement with anyone on a sexual level, when I looked deeper and became the observer of my thoughts I saw that the reason was that I have been SO focussed on reaching a state where I felt I was suitable or even desireable enough to ENJOY the act itself!
Points such as – Will I do the right thing, say the right words, look the part in the ‘right’ way… I need to be thinner, prettier, sexier, more in touch with my body, eat less, eat more, wear this or that. Striving to be this perfect VERSION of what through cultural programming I learned to believe sensuality and sexuality are! As soon as I was able to see this within myself my focus immediately snapped back to my physical body, I had been walking my two dogs at the time and was standing on a grass path looking out at the stunning Dorset rolling hills. What came into my mind next was the complete contrast projected out on Mother Earth’s own canvas.

I saw how perfect she was, farmed or natural her beauty was eternal because of her existence. As I breathed in the view which lay before me I felt immense gratitude for Earth’s splendor. For her giving, for her Heart. Before me was THE PERFECT example of how whatever the texture of who we are, we are contributing to the whole in our own way. Watching the rays of the morning sun glide and dance around the tops of the hills I realised it was in fact the deeper elementals of nature which made her so beautiful. The light casting shadows on ‘unkept’ grass, the leaves filtering rainbow spectrums as they glide to the ground, the soft singing of a breeze carrying stories from other roaming pastures. All of these different parts of Mother Nature are what add to Her Beauty. And I was grateful again, to know deep in my being that this was another lesson in the truth of who I am.

Who I am as a woman embracing her sexuality, her sensuality. Who I am as a woman taking the road to Healing her Sexuality step by step, acknowledging each pass as a blessing.

Our Sexual Nature is part of who we are, it will ALWAYS be part of who we are. However numbed out, suppressed, denied or out of balance it has been it will ALWAYS still be what brought you into the world! And it is now time to heal it as much as we can. Individually, collectively, culturally, socially. To bring our pleasures into cohesive balance with our Hearts desire to Love one another. To know that it truly is ok to BE SEXUAL! And to enjoy the magic of union in our fullest capacity.